Super Bowl weekend is upon us, so it is time for my AAAAA forcast. The Angry Asian American's Accurate Assessment. There is enough A's so nobody should confuse this with a certain auto insurance giant. It is also a reflection of the Asian American parents who expect their children to get 5 A's even if they are only taking 4 classes. Well, enough nonsense. Let's get to the forcasts:
1. The game will be boring. Given the history of the Super Bowl, this is a no brainer. The commercials will be more entertaining.
2. Every 5 minutes during the game the camera will be directed to some "star" of a series on CBS so as to advertise the show. It will make me less likely to watch that show.
3. Every 5 minutes, the camera will show some guys with no imagination holding up a D and a cutup of a fence. This is so pedestrian that anyone who comes to the game with these signs should be ejected. The cameraman who showed this should be fired.
4. Some guy will hold up a sign that says: John 3:16. I wonder how he knows that there will be a timeout in 3 minutes and 16 seconds so that I can go to the bathroom.
5. After every touchdown there will be someone dancing in the end zone so poorly that you may think that the majority of the players are Asian.
6. At half time the network will interview the coach who is leading by 3 touchdowns. He will say that the opposing team has an explosive offense so 3 touchdown is not much of a lead and that his team will have to play the full 60 minutes, avoid turnovers, and play smart in order to have a chance to win this game.
7. During half time there will be no Asian entertainers unless we make Prince, who is 5'1"' and 100 pounds, to be an honorary Asian. Where is William Hung?
8. At the end of the half time festivities the network will interview the losing coach. He will say that it is not over till it is over, they must play the full 60 minutes, avoid turnovers, and play smart. He had told his team it is gut check time, they must take it one play at a time and never give up.
9. An Asian will not be the MVP of the game. You may say that is obvious since there are no Asian players in the game unless you count Freddy Keiho of the Colts who is born in Fiji and grew up in Ventura. (If he had gone to UCLA they would have counted him as Asian to boost their Asian athlete count) You may have laughed at my prediction of an Asian MVP last year. But as you recalled last year's MVP was Asian as I predicted with my 20-20 hindsight. Remember Hines Ward? He has the key to Seoul.
10. 1.2 billion Chinese do not give a damn about the outcome of the game. The other 100 million has bets on the Bears because they don't know what is an Indianopolis but they knew Chicago from the Jordan days with the Red Water Buffaloes.
11. A black guy will be the winning coach. I am the master of seeing the obvious.
12. This is about the only thing in sport more trite than the D-fence nonsense. That is at the end of the game the winning team will pour Gatorade on the coach. The first time this happened was funny. On Sunday it will be the one millonth time that this has happened. The guys that do the pouring probably had a Wonderlic score of zero. The coach who actually falls for that should be fired because it is obvious that he cannot see the obvious and thus this Super Bowl win was a pure accident.
13. At the end of the game, with confetti flying around, numerous interviews would occur on the field which consists of the following words or phrases from the players: "Like"; "You know"; "This MVP trophy belongs to the team, it was a team effort, but the car is mine"; "Thanks to the Lord"; "Praise the Lord"; "Nobody gave us a chance"; "We are the world champions";. We can turn off the sound and use last year's interviews and nobody would know the difference.
14. The talking heads in the studios at ESPN will analyze this game for the next 3 days with the conclusion that if there was no bad holding call wiping out a touchdown in the first quarter by the losing team, then the outcome of this 28 point defeat would have been much different.
13. Some angry yellow man will get sick from eating too much junk food during the game.
Friday, February 02, 2007
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Well, it's official. I think you need to change your name to Angry Yellow Joke Man. That's two blogs in a row where you've tried to use humor. There's not much to dispute with your blog. The Super Bowl has become this huge cliche waiting to happen. The commercials were below par this year and the game was long and drawn out. Though I thought the close score of the game could have made a classic if the Bears would have made a push at the end.
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